3rd March 2016

I’m still learning what has changed in the hard wiring of my brain.

My emotions are all over the place.  Situations affect me differently now.  For example if I was going to a meeting, going to a new destination, had an assessment or waiting on news, Claire v1.0 would put it to one side and function normally.  Whereas Claire v2.0 malfunctions, concentration struggles, stutter takes over, the vocabulary I do have fuck off out the window, I randomly cry and fear hugs me so tight. In the next breath it’s all stored away and some kind of normality resumes.  Then it repeats itself.

It’s so frustrating when it malfunctions.  Because I then become frustrated even more.  A simple task, whether it’s one that I achieved six months ago, four weeks ago, last week or yesterday, I all of a sudden can’t do. It’s like the little people controlling that certain area at that time hit the fuck it button and then literally fucked off!! Then because they hit the button another area of little people think ‘well they aren’t working so we aren’t. Hit the button folks we are out of here’

 I hate these times.  Think of it like a house of cards. Sometimes I can calm myself down, maybe only loose the top few. With patients put them back in place and all is good. Other times everything falls to the ground. The house of cards is flat, I’ve got to start from scratch and build that house again.

Laters 💋

2nd March 2016

Apologies for not writing anything on here for a while. I have been back in Suffolk seeing my mum, dad, sister, husband and my nephew and niece and also my old school friends.  It was a lovely break and catch up with everyone. I break from the norm. Should have taken notes about what happened each day, then I would have had more to day about the trip. (Take notes next time)!!

Soooooo where has time gone?? March already!! WOW!! 

It’s time to push myself harder. Harder than I have done before in my battle to regain my brain. It’s too easy to sit here and moan about how I just want my arm to work, or how I wish I could walk properly again. Well it ain’t going to happen unless I do it. In the words of Marion my physio….

“your arm and leg weren’t damaged, it was the brain, all the pathways. So you need to use your right side as mush as possible so that your brain remembers that it exists”. 

That really hit home to me. 

I’m being kept at Danesbury for further physio and OT which is great news. As I have so much plasticity with regards to my brain, (Brain plasticity (from the Greek word ‘plastos’ meaning molded) refers to the extraordinary ability of the brain to modify its own structure and function following changes within the body or in the external environment), there is so much more that can be achieved. So I had an assessment and now when at home I am to use as right hand as much as possible. It isn’t going to be very good at all to start with but its all to get my brain to remember. So using my right hand to do things like…..

Turning taps on/off, my electric toothbrush, using the TVs remote, picking up small items to move………some might say that isn’t very hard, or that’s a small effort……..well from small effort big things happen. 

There only around 6weeks until my birthday, so I am going to think of a task that I want to achieve by then. Any ideas that anyone has are welcome. I will get thinking and post my decision up Friday. 

My sofa got raised today and it is fantastic. Through social services there is a organisation that came round measured the sofa and then came back today and fixed it all together. Woooooohoooooooo no more sitting on several cushions and no more having to put added strain on my left leg (especially the knee) to get up. I can’t remember the name of the company but I will and I will let everyone know. I will also put up a picture. 

Right time for tea.

Laters 💋