03/08 Another early start to the week. OT at 08:30 am. Ana decided that we were going to get my shoulder blade working today. It seems to sticking out a bit more than it should. Great as it is the new issue in the process of repairing my body. If only I could have said it was relaxing……..no…….. My shoulder did feel better after. Psychology was good and bad. I admitted that I am scared of leaving here. I know I have to go back into the real world but I am protected in here. I still can’t fully let go in there as I fear I wouldn’t stop. So needless to say I wasn’t in the mood for exercise group but done it away as otherwise I would of just sat and moped over it all. Debs came up to see me in the afternoon and we got in contact with my insurance company I had an accident plan with them. And it wasn’t until debs was explaining the situation that I am in to them that it all hit me. I broke down. I I I was constantly crying I couldn’t stop crying I was a mess but it was bound to happen because even through all of this I haven’t been sad I’ve been quite chirpy all the time and today I crashed. Abby came in and suggested that I go out for a walk. Well I sit in my wheelchair debs pushes me get out of the four walls of the hospital. We did and Tracy the ward clerk was walking home at the same time and ended up pushing me down the hill because Debbie was hilariously scarily bad at it. But it was fun the two of us trying to figure out how to remove a rowhow to move around and I will chair in the wide open big wide world and it put me in a better mood. Abi came in my room later and said she had requested that I see Gill the psychologist again.
04/08 I woke up this morning pretty good. What dressed and went to the breakfast. When and saw Ellen to see how she was getting on. She seem to be doing really well. Washed and dressed herself which is pretty good for 81yrs old and suffered a stroke. When up to the gym to see if the shopping was done for cooking tomorrow. I could feel myself getting upset so hurried myself to the lift. Got in the lift and Ana rushed in behind with Josie. When we got downstairs I couldn’t wait to get in my room and cry. I then set up the iPad and the TV so that I could shut out the world and listen to music. Stayed in my room and of the nurses Adrian came and checked on me and they had a little chat. He is an amazing man I’ve ever think he’s gone through in the operations he is had and he still works in this environment and helps people and it’s really chirpy but that always happy. I stayed in my room until 13:30 when it was time for physio. I changed my shorts for physio as the ones I had on weren’t suitable for the exercise. We worked on some new moves. We started by giving my leg with a good stretch before we worked on my knee and my stepping. Which is coming on ok. My knee is a bit off a challenge as it keeps dropping outwards. My hamstrings are no strong enough so they won’t pull my leg back. Spoke to Gill and she said it was a matter of time before I break down because I’m always so chirpy and laughing and mucking about. He asked me to think about some antidepressants to try and lift me up as I dropped into whole. I said I wasn’t keen on the idea but I would consider it.
06/08 decided to see Gill and decide on some antidepressants because I have been really really low and I need some little booster to help me out.
08/08 I am having a day away from this place today. I am excited and scared all at the same time. We are going to look at some new flats that have been built and hopefully be able to get one after the landlord decided to sell our flat. Deb got that bit of good news the day the put me in a coma in Addenbrookes. So I took all the floor plans to look at and decide which to put down as our choices. Debbie took all the paperwork to fill in.
09/08 mum dad Emma and Andrew came and went out for lunch. It was nice but there were so many wasps I panicked as I’m not that mobile to get away if they get angry.
11/08 swapped to a walking stick. OT with Dave. Working on my arm so we got Deb to join to see what I do. Filled in lots of forms.
12/08 Physio with Dave. Paul was on a day off. We were working on my hamstring and hip.
13/08 OT first thing with Ana and the student. I wasn’t digging this morning. I felt so tired. It wasn’t the same kind of session. I worked hard and managed to switch off muscles that were not needed and control others a lot better. Physio. Midnight feast with Abi.
14/08 I got to bed at 01:30am. Woke up at stupid o’clock and had to shuffle myself to get back to sleep. I woke up again at 08:00am. Abi came in to say goodbye. I am going to miss her as she has become a good friend to me over the last six weeks. So we had a hug We had a selfie last night. As I have decided to take photos with some of the staff that have helped me on the journey. I think I might have made a friend………I hope so.
The morning was slow. Got myself sorted, washed, dressed and had breakfast. Took my coffee and went and thought I would catch up with Ellen.
We had a good chat about when we leave and had a laugh about a couple of the other women who are in here. Brenda who has been shouting out for Nicola (her daughter we believe). Mavis who have just been walking around with her walking frame……up in the air!!! She went for a shower first thing and we watched her walk off holding her frame, not pushing it. I had my final pysio session with Paul today as he is off on holiday. It was brilliant I’m so glad that I had him. We got on really well. I forgot to have a selfie with him.
17/08 Was awake at 06:00am as I am not sleeping very well at the moment. I have my home visit this morning. Janaya came in and sat done with me for a little while after everyone was in bed. So we had a catchup as she isn’t working working again before I leave. Then Sunday called her over to the nurses station and told to her she she shouldn’t be talking to the patients and do some work. When we came back in to tell me I kept her a bit longer by having a selfie with her. Janaya then said to me friends on FB and send the picture. I think I was 01:00am again before I was asleep.
18/08 I was awake at 05:30am. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I am struggling to sleep as I am nervous about going home. I hadn’t thought about it and hadn’t put the two together. I hadn’t thought that my sleep was being effected by my apprehension about going home. It wasn’t until I thought back over everytime I moved hospital and the unknown and the lack of sleep I had that I realised what going in with my mental state. So the was a fun realisation this morning.
Once I had figured out all of that I thought I would thy and go back to sleep but that was not to be. David was awake!! They had got him up and up him in the day room. That was a brilliant idea!! NOT!!!! Because he has become so demanding he hits the buzzer constantly. So needless to say there was the constant noise of the buzzer going of and then because no one was coming he then decided to shout at the top of his voice. So there was no chance of me going back to sleep. Instead I ended up shouting at David to shut up. Not that it done any good as it didn’t shut him up but it make me feel better even if it was only for a few seconds.
I cooked again with the help of Ana. Carla joined us and David joined us for dessert.
Ana came and said goodbye today. Will miss her too and hopefully I will have a friend in her too. She is a crazy lady. She has helped my so much.