10th Jan 2016

Well got some sleep dad brought me a cup of tea up and Deb started drinking it and moved out of my reach on the bedside table. So once I had battled with Deb to get my cup of tea back……basically I just threatened to scream and tell my mummy (proper child’s play) I then battled with my limbs to get dressed.

Decided that sliding my walking stick down the stairs was the best idea as I couldn’t carry in and walk down the stairs. As the stairs are at my parents are steep the walking stick kept getting stuck, so a slightly harder than needed shove and the stick got the bottom, with my dad appearing from the dining room shortly after looking shocked but relived that it wasn’t me in a crumbled heap on the floor.

Mum got back from helping Emma collect everything from the hall after last night and we had bacon and egg sarnies. Yummy yummy yummy!! Deb sat and done some work to make sure everything was OK. We sat and had a catch up before getting all of stuff together and leaving. Popped in and had a cuppa with Emma, Andrew, Nathan and Maddie before we left and gave them their Christmas presents. They got us JustDance so Deb will be in her element and Cards Against Humanity which is fantastic. I first played it when we visited Dan & Yvette after I came out of hospital. It’s a brilliant game. I should be able to understand it better now.

That’s it by 1pm we were in the car and heading back to Hoddesdon. It’s was such a quick visit. We will plan it better next time. 

I tried to sleep in the car again as I was so tired but to no avail again. 

Stopped in at Deb sister Sarah’s on the way home to have a cuppa and drop off a card and present for her nephew Nigel’s as it was his birthday weds. John was having a pedicure by Becs as she is doing a college course in nails. Once she was done with John she then sorted out Deb nails to strengthen them and help then grow as it’s much nail. Once she had done Deb then Becs sorted my nails out. When she started on my right hand all the buffing and filing of the nails was playing with the nerves in my hand. It was tickling so much and I was pulling some weird faces. I think I will get her to do my nails once a week or fortnight as I think it help the nerves in my hand.

We finally got home and I got straight into bed. Hoping that my body would relax and maybe I would get some sleep. The short answer………..NO………no such luck. It was 2am before I was asleep. 💋

9th Jan 2016

Ever have the feeling you are being watched……..

This is what greeted me as I woke up this morning!! Bloody furball once I was awake he jumped down and had a fuss. Once he had had enough the buggered off down the end of the bed and went back to sleep!! It’s true cats are not are pets we are theirs!!
I hurt today, I’m so tired I think I might of overdone it. Tried to run before I can walk. I do have to try these things but maybe in smaller doses.
While trying to get brain and body to try and muster up some kind of connection Ana called me. From up in the cold isles of Shetland. I call her little Shetland pony! We video called and I got to meet her new fella called Tony. He seems like a lovely guy. Ana was grinning from ear to ear ahhhhhhhhh 😍 Its great catching up with her as she has been quite pivotal in my recovery, and has become a great friend.
My day wasn’t very productive at all. Tried to focus on some arm exercises but my concentration wasn’t great.
It was my bro-in-laws 40th BiRtHdAy party back in Suffolk. So once Deb was home from work and we were sorted we headed up there.
It was 9pm before we were there so another long day. I did try to have a nap early evening before Deb came on from work and in the car on the journey up but to no avail.
It was a lovely night catching up with faces that I hadn’t seen in a long time. Also it was lovely to catch up with some very close dear school friends of mine. We had a good chat and made plans to meet up more this year. When something like this happens to you, you realise how important friends and family are.
Once I was finally in bed I struggled to get to sleep. My brain has been overloaded with information and new surrounding’s over the past two days it’s struggling to rest. 💋

8th Jan 2016

Apologise that I have not been updating my blog but I have had a packed few days. 

Well what an eventful weekend I have had. I done some walking, socialising and I’m paying for it today. In a good way but I am knackered, mentally and physically. I have slept all day…….literally!! I am shattered!! But let’s start the blog catch up….
Friday started with me sitting at the kitchen island thinking of how you get income after the government believe that there is nothing wrong with me and that I don’t deserve any financial help from then (the ****ing *********). I felt pretty damn low to be fair. So at lunchtime I grabbed my walking stick and walked round to the in-laws (I looked it up in Google and it is a 9min walk that takes me 30min) with some butter that Deb got for them and and for a catch up and a cuppa tea (or two). Once I got back to the flat I crashed as I was tired so had a little nap.

I needed to start getting ready as Deb is taking me into London to see a show that was brought as a Christmas present. So I started and even to put my Sumo Boot on. (Picture below). The Sumo boot was made to measure for me so that my foot was put in the correct position to aid my walking. It’s made by them taking a plaster cast of my foot and ankle and then the boot is created out of silicon, with harder silicon in the areas that I need support.


Isn’t it beautiful. It’s amazing but I still have a bit of a challenge putting it on so waited for Deb to get home to make sure it was on correctly.

Right here we go the journey and challenge of London. The train journey in was fine. The step on and off the train was a challenge but Deb was there to help.

The next challenge that we had was the escalators. As I don’t have normal use of my right side I was having to stand on the left side of the escalators and of course there are sign to keep to the right……..whoops!! It was entertianing as someone would ask us to move over, or huff and we would just apologise and show my walking stick and straight away they would apologise. I can understand why because standing still I look fully able. It’s not until move that my disability is seen. Another thing that I have found since all this has happened to me is places have a rest and regain energy to carry on the journey. Before all this I would carried on until a found somewhere that looked nice to take a breather. Now my body tell me it needs to rest by breaking all connections, thus causing me stop and rest.

But we made it its time to watch Dr Suess The Lorax…….



It was absolutely amazing. The combination of actors and puppets was brilliant. Completely kept the magic of Dr Suess alive. I felt like a child. It was a completely magical experience. I am so glad Deb found these tickets it was so fantastic. 

After all the challenges of the escalators, tube and train we got home at 11pm. Both shattered and Deb has work tomorrow so time for bed. Deb had to help get the Sumo boot off as I couldn’t do it by myself. I had to wash the boot out too as if I didn’t it would start walking by itself!! There is no way I am going to let my boot walk better than me!! And sleep!! 

Laters! 💋

7th Jan 2016

Woke as Deb was leaving for work so used the time to respond to messages. Had a good catch up with Ana all the way up in the Shetlands. She is a good friend to me and challenges me to loose weight. Ana like the blog and told be not to let the bastards get me down. Also caught up with Alex who I used to work with. That was nice. He is a complicated man with a beautiful heart. 

Went back to sleep. Woke again at 11am (lazy I know). I was in 2nd gear and ready to pump this up a gear. Spent a good 30 mins of sweat and tears doing my exercises in bed. I listened to Anthems House by Ministry of Sound. Got washed and dressed and headed to the kitchen to make some lunch and a smoothie. By the time that was all done it was 14:00. 

Time for some more exercise. So I put Kisstory on the radio So sat in my perch stool and used the mini exercise bike and pedalled, concentrating on keeping my hip and knee at the right angle to that the right muscles were used. From there I moved into the kitchen bit and done some squats, balancing, and stretches. 

Decided that I was going to take photos of things to sell on eBay to raise extra funds. It’s quite entertaining taking photos one handed and not ending up with them all blurred. Well managed a few and thought I will quit the photography while my iPad as still in one piece. I did manage to put one thing on eBay. Will it sell……..if people just look at the photos yes.

Deb got home from work and we caught up on each other’s days. Deb made a bacon salad for dinner which was yuuuuummmmmmyyyyy!!! We discussed all kinds of ideas of ways we could make some money. 

Pop over to Deb parents as there was a couple of letters there for me. One of the letters as about my PiP claim. It turns out that after I asked them to review the decision and the accompanying letter written by Headway I am still not entitled to anything. Apparently I don’t need any kind of help. ****ing hell, *********, *******!!!! I am so angry and so sad all at the same time and really battling with my brain not to snap and through a shit fit. I will speak to headway and see if there is anything else we can do. I have sent Sarah a text and we will so form there. 

I’m off to try and calm down so I can sleep.

Laters 💋

6th Jan 2016

I’m really tired this morning. I woke up when Deb left for work. So I have been awake since 6am. It’s really foggy outside today. I am not in the mood to exercise. I just want to stay under the covers thanks. 

Sarah an OT with Headway (www.headway-herts.org.uk) came to see me today. Headway Hertfordshire works closely with people who have a brain injury, their carers and families. Helping to erase social isolation, improve health and wellbeing and give carers a break. They aim to raise awareness with local groups, professionals, statutory authorities, charities and others through presentations, talks and face to face meetings. She is such a scream. I have been working with Sarah since Oct 2015. Every fortnight I go to a group called Habit which is devised by Headway and help with the cognitive recovery of the brain. If it hadn’t been for them I don’t believe I would be as social as I am now, and if it hadn’t been for Sarah and one of the Volunteers called Margret I would been fighting for my right to PiP (personal indepenant payment). 

Trying to get any kind of benefits has been such a struggle. When I 1st applied for PiP we (I say we but it was Deb who done all the writing) filled in the 40page booklet, attached all my medical and sent it off on 2nd Oct. Middle of Nov I went of an assessment with a Physio of their choice. All that info was then given to a being sitting in an office, who had not seen me physically with their on eyes, to then decide that I wasn’t entitled to anything. Headway have helped me to appeal the decision, so watch this space. Also waiting for a form so I can apply for ESA, but that all I am entitled to apply for.

I am so disgusted with our system. Because Deb works over 26hrs a week I am not entitled to any other benefits. Deb isn’t entitled to any kind of carers allowance because she works to hard. So basically even though I have been in full time employment since I was 19yrs old and am now in the situation. Deb works 48hrs a week and now has to do overtime to cover my share of the bills and anything that I might need. The system makes me sick. 

So the afternoon was really shit. I spent it tying to things of what I could do as a job to take the financial burden off Deb. How I could get better faster to get back to work sooner. 

Deb got home from work and I cried and got all worked up. She calmed me down and said that the ultimate goals was me getting back to full health, and that we have to wait to see about the PiP.

Deb is such a strong, methodical woman. I am so lucky to have her in my life.

Night all 💋

5th Jan 2016


Had a good 12 hrs sleep last night. For the first time this year I actually went to bed when I was tired. I feel pretty good this morning. Also I have remembered (well done me. Brain is back on side. More proof that I must give into my tiredness) to jot things down as I remember them. 

Today’s first thing exercises went pretty well. It turns out that good sleep = good connections. Also the sun was shining which helps a lot. It was a bit of a challenge to concentrate on the moves as Asbo (my black & white furball sidekick) wanted me to get up and give him my full attention. Honestly any of my friends who mention that they are thinking of having children, I am going to give them Asbo for a week. Once I had finished my exercise, I got up and got to the kitchen to make some breakfast (Asbo still in good vocal spirit). Once breakfast was made I did entertain the furball and it was for all of 20mins before he was bored and pissed off back to bed!! 

I had OT today with Jeanette. She has been my OT since I left Danesbury. It was a good session today. Jeanette liked the blog and said that it was a good, positive thing to be doing. We spoke about how I have changed my medication and how that has helped me. I explained the small movements I go with my hand while watching tv which she said was good. Jeanette then got me to lay on the bed and demonstrate the exercises that I do in the morning. She added some new ideas into it. For example when lying there holding my arm up, do it for 6sec and then rest. Do this 10times and then next week increase to 8secs. Do this so that I then actually notice the improvement. Also Jeanette mentioned Mindfulness techniques to help. It’s certainly interested me so I am going to look into it further. Finally we chose a couple of goals for me to achieve in the Upper Limb group that I will be joining next week. We only picked a couple as at the moment I have such a varied level of extension and contraction in my arm, we thought it best not to complicate things too much. 

It’s been a really good evening. I’ve been writing my blog and Deb chilled reading a book. We had a good catch up on how our days have been, and after dinner had a farting competition. I’m at a slight disadvantage as I can’t get out of the way quick enough, especially trying to get up off the sofa. I got my own back though. 

I would give today 8/10. Laters 💋

4th Jan 2016

I had loads of things to write today. One teeny tiny detail I forgot and that it………(drum roll please…….)……….to jot them down as the day went on. I bloody forgot to write them down. 

The day started with Deb waking up at sparrow fart o’clock. So she went and watched The Hobbit (part 3. The something of smog). I dozed and then she came in with a cuppa tea and then we planned the jobs we would get done today before she went back to work.

In a bid to get my out of bed my job was to strip the bed and put clean duvet set on. This is good therapy for my right arm and my mood control (well that’s what I keep telling myself). I get in such a state with it. It was around 09:00 that I started and it was around 10:00 that I finished. That’s a workout and a half to start the day. That is including getting Deb to put on the sheet because the mattress is too heavy for me to pick up at this moment in time. 

I went into the kitchen area and done some leg work. It’s the right height so I can’t cheat. Some squats, both legs and also just the right leg, and some stretches.

After Deb had finished the paperwork we planned our evening meals for the week and then went food shopping. Deb only allows me to go shopping with her as it is exercise for me. Before this happened I never used to go. To be fair I’m only allowed to go now because I use the trolley as a walking aid and therefore am unable to add extra items to the shopping list.

That’s kind of it today. I don’t really feel in a talkative mood. 

Catch you tomorrow 💋