Im really sorry that I haven’t written anything on my blog for so long that another one last months six months. I’ve been in a bit of a fight, well not a fight more of a battle with my brain. I’m sure there will be people out there that say “well obviously you had a brain injury but it not because of my brain injury but the psychological side of what happened came up. That came and bit me on the arse really fucking hard around the middle of September.
And it all stemmed from having my haircut!!
Decided that I would have my hair cut shorter because I can couldn’t put my hair up in a ponytail and I don’t want to be arguing with Debbie all the time about it. Both myself and her appointment went to this place with my head back in bowl, got it washed, sat in the chair and it all got cut off. That part fine. Once I was home that part was in fine and spiralled out of control very quickly. I suddenly had a headache which covered my whole head and my neck and I went into sheer meltdown. Started panicking thinking that it was all happening again. Debbie called 111 then I spoke to someone, then went and saw my doctor that evening for a check up. Everything fine and home I was. A week later it happened again. I couldn’t stay calm felt hot, sick shaking. Again 111 was called and I was sent to an out of hours doctors, then home again after another check up. Poor Deb having to take me to the hospital at 21:30. The fear and the anxiety that grew and grew and grew over the next coming weeks over anything a lump, bump, itch was unreal. I was a mess.
Then came psychology with a wee Scottish man called Angus. He was fantastic hey really really helped me over the following six weeks. Every Tuesday for an hour and a half we would talk about things to help me through it. Gave me ideas of how to control my anxiety. I’m still not great at them but I do recognise the symptoms and understand how not to let them destroy me like they used to. The conversations with Angus were deep and pulled up stuff from areas I thought I had kept well hidden, or I didn’t think was relevant to what I was going through but apparently it was. Even though sometimes it was difficult I knew that it will help in the end, well it’s helping everyday is best way to put it.
I can’t emphasise enough how much psychology has helped me. So anyone out there that reads this who has gone through a traumatic event regardless of it just being a brain injury then I would say do you give it a go. You’ll be surprised how speaking to someone who has no idea of your life cannot, doesn’t judge you can help you figure things out. Or even just how to deal with them so that you can continue a more settled life.
Don’t give me wrong I still have scares and worry over the lumps, bumps, the itches, the pains but I don’t let it ruin my day like it used to.
I still worry that I am a burden on people, or the way I handle situations is wrong. Or my facial expression is wrong. Or that I haven’t processed what is going on around me and say the wrong thing, wrong way. Or come across as oversensitive, undersensitive. Or that people don’t want to be around me because I don’t know what I’m gonna be like or the last time they saw me was rude but I cant remember that’s a very big worry of mine. It is so easy to feel so isolated. But there is a book that helped me understand what has happened to me and they way that I can act sometimes. The link is below…..
Right I’m off to walk the puppy.