Hey folks
Im really sorry that I haven’t written anything on my blog for so long that another one last months six months. I’ve been in a bit of a fight, well not a fight more of a battle with my brain. I’m sure there will be people out there that say “well obviously you had a brain injury but it not because of my brain injury but the psychological side of what happened came up. That came and bit me on the arse really fucking hard around the middle of September.
And it all stemmed from having my haircut!!
Decided that I would have my hair cut shorter because I can couldn’t put my hair up in a ponytail and I don’t want to be arguing with Debbie all the time about it. Both myself and her appointment went to this place with my head back in bowl, got it washed, sat in the chair and it all got cut off. That part fine. Once I was home that part was in fine and spiralled out of control very quickly. I suddenly had a headache which covered my whole head and my neck and I went into sheer meltdown. Started panicking thinking that it was all happening again. Debbie called 111 then I spoke to someone, then went and saw my doctor that evening for a check up. Everything fine and home I was. A week later it happened again. I couldn’t stay calm felt hot, sick shaking. Again 111 was called and I was sent to an out of hours doctors, then home again after another check up. Poor Deb having to take me to the hospital at 21:30. The fear and the anxiety that grew and grew and grew over the next coming weeks over anything a lump, bump, itch was unreal. I was a mess.
Then came psychology with a wee Scottish man called Angus. He was fantastic hey really really helped me over the following six weeks. Every Tuesday for an hour and a half we would talk about things to help me through it. Gave me ideas of how to control my anxiety. I’m still not great at them but I do recognise the symptoms and understand how not to let them destroy me like they used to. The conversations with Angus were deep and pulled up stuff from areas I thought I had kept well hidden, or I didn’t think was relevant to what I was going through but apparently it was. Even though sometimes it was difficult I knew that it will help in the end, well it’s helping everyday is best way to put it.
I can’t emphasise enough how much psychology has helped me. So anyone out there that reads this who has gone through a traumatic event regardless of it just being a brain injury then I would say do you give it a go. You’ll be surprised how speaking to someone who has no idea of your life cannot, doesn’t judge you can help you figure things out. Or even just how to deal with them so that you can continue a more settled life.
Don’t give me wrong I still have scares and worry over the lumps, bumps, the itches, the pains but I don’t let it ruin my day like it used to.
I still worry that I am a burden on people, or the way I handle situations is wrong. Or my facial expression is wrong. Or that I haven’t processed what is going on around me and say the wrong thing, wrong way. Or come across as oversensitive, undersensitive. Or that people don’t want to be around me because I don’t know what I’m gonna be like or the last time they saw me was rude but I cant remember that’s a very big worry of mine. It is so easy to feel so isolated. But there is a book that helped me understand what has happened to me and they way that I can act sometimes. The link is below…..
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dented-Image-Journeys-Subarachnoid-Haemorrhage/dp/0415386721
Right I’m off to walk the puppy.
Laters💋
My new brain 
Sorry to hear things have been challenging for you. I’ve had a number of times when I felt like I’d gotten brain injured again — I fell out of bed and hit my head on the bedside stand, I slipped on ice and fell so hard I jolted my back out of alignment, I kept clunking my head on the top of the car door frame — and it felt like I’d gotten yet another concussion. I think some of the impacts may have been enough to alter me, but in the end, getting myself to calm down and not react like I was in serious danger was the thing that helped me. That, and being able to talk to someone who could “talk me down”.
It’s scary, though. We can’t see what’s inside our heads, and when something invisible has such a visible effect, it “does a number” on us and our self-confidence.
Well, it’s all a process. I hope you can have an enjoyable holiday season and get some good quality time with the people / pets / activities you most enjoy.
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Thank you for the message of support and understanding.
I hope you had a great Christmas holiday period. Yeah it’s hard to stop the fear but I’m determined that I’m going to not let this defeat me.
You are an inspiration.
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Thank you very much. Keep living your life to the best of your ability. Keep getting good rest. And remember, they don’t know nearly everything about the brain – and “miracles” happen all the time.
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