Hey folks,

For me when the weather is shit outside like it is today. I feel trapped. It’s pissing it down (it’s raining), so unless I have somewhere I have to be, I’ll be staying at home. When you can’t really walk fast and it’s raining lots it’s only mean one thing………you’re going to get very wet!

So I stay home which then means I stat over thinking and worrying about situations that haven’t happened yet. Or in fact aren’t ever going to happen, but my brain says the old faithful questions……….”what if…….”, “why………”….”what did you say…….”. It’s a vicious circle and when your short term memory isn’t ever working 100% then you really start eating yourself up. “I must’ve said something……”, “are they ignoring me……”, “why don’t they like me anymore……..”, “I don’t fit in……….”, “they don’t want to be my friend anymore…….” I could go on for ages with.

It’s true friendships do change when something like this happens, but it probably isn’t 100% your fault. In fact it might not be anyone’s fault. Everyone’s life changes. It just might be that………

  • You never were as close as you thought you were. The seriousness of the situation confirmed that.
  • They don’t know how to act around you.
  • You’re trying to still be pre brain injury you and it takes you a while the realise you’ve changed.
  • You can’t handle what’s happened.
  • They can’t handle what’s happened.
  • You don’t fit their lifestyle anymore.
  • They don’t fit yours.
  • The friendship has run its course.

And many, many other reasons.

The other side of that is that other friends who you weren’t as close to step up and give you the support you need. You also make new friends through support groups, charities & even social media of people who have been through a similar experience to you. I say similar as no two brain injuries are the same.

But I think the biggest thing is to be your own friend. If you don’t manage all of your tasks/challenges/rehab for that day, your very tired, your brain is fatigued. Don’t beat yourself up, or think you have failed because you haven’t. Love and appreciate this new you. This might not be how you are forever, our bodies change and adapt everyday. But if this is how your body will be then love it nonetheless.

You are amazing and you’ve already shown that by surviving. Remember you are a SURVIVOR!!

Laters 💋

It’s been busy

Hey folks

Apologies that I haven’t got up to date sooner but it’s been a bit of a tough couple of weeks.

So let’s pick up where we left off last time…………so James had put me through my paces in physio on the Friday.

Right on the sat I was in the gym when my mum called to say that my grandad was in hospital very sick and that they think that it was going to be it this time that he wouldn’t be coming home again. So mum came to mine and Diane was flying back from Scotland and meeting mum at the hospital. I went with mum to keep her company and be her sat nav. We were only 10mins from the hospital and someone sped through some lights and went into the back of mums car!

Grandad was sick. The worst part of it all was that his brain was still 100% working it was just his body was giving up. He sadly passed away on 24th July at 2:15am. He had got to say goodbye to nearly everyone so I was finally at rest.

After the accident on the sat I went to pop down the shops on the Sunday and as I was driving I was getting pain in my shoulder and down my arm. When home I was moving my arm around and couldn’t move it past 90 degrees. So off to the docs I go and you guessed it I’ve got whiplash in my left shoulder. Great! The pain killers the doc gave me to take I can’t as they interfere with my happy pills and so I could be off the planet. So once I’ve spoken to the insurance company I get hold of James for physio.

I went back to Suffolk for a week to give Debbie a break. Her job is stressful and now that I’m a bit buggered in both arms I can’t do as much around the house. I’m getting grumpy and snappy as it hurts then she is getting grumpy and snappy as her days never stop. We end up arguing and that’s not good.

Had l lovely week away a good time to reflect and put things in perspective. Spending valuable time with my niece Maddie age 9 and nephew Nathan age 17. I caught up with one friend while right at the end of the week I was back but no one else. The reason I went back was to figure things out in my life and I know if I’d have caught up with more friends I would’ve avoided it. Apologies people I love you all.

So last week. Back here I started physio for the whiplash on the tues with Helen. Helen is the wife of my Neurophysio James. Helen is lovely and put me at ease straight away. I’m so lucky that I have James & Helen dealing with me as no notes can get lost, they have my full history and they are such lovely lovely human beings who are bloody brilliant at their job. Don’t get me wrong my arm was aching after the session but in a your gonna get fixed kinda way. I can’t leave you to fix in your own time as I need you to function. The only down side is that I’m not allowed to do any upper body work in the gym until Helen tells me I can.

We said our final goodbyes to grandad on weds. A beautiful service and getting to meet family for the first time. It was a very hard day seeing my mum and Diane so upset. It was a time for reflection too. He was such an amazing, kind, strong and gentle man I just wish I’d spent more time with him.

Thursday was therapy day. Again with everything that had happened over the last couple of weeks that was a mentally hard session. It was hard for me to get to sleep Thursday night. Friday again I was physically and mentally drains from the past few days so I wasn’t very functional. Again I struggled to sleep Friday night. That’s one of the issues with brain injury it’s harder to process what has been happening and so the brain will decide to process,dissect and understand what been happening when it want to not when you want it to.

Helen told me to rest my arm and I didn’t think that hanging out some washing and carrying some laundry in a basket would be and issue…………how wrong was I!! I struggled to sleep Saturday night. I couldn’t lie on my left or my right. Needless to say trying to get up on Sunday was a bit of an issue and Debbie had to help me. So Sunday was a major rest day for me. Helen’s going to kick my arse on Tuesday when I go back for more physio.

And so here we are back up to date. Now I’ve got up to date I’m now going to have so breakfast and coffee before heading over to Hertford for the Headway coffee morning.

Laters 💋