My sleep is getting shocking. Sat night into Sunday I got 4hrs sleep and then was wide awake at 3:30am with ringing in my ears. You know what it’s like at that time of the morning, the flat is deadly quiet so the ringing in my ears was in surround sound! I’m averaging 4-5hrs a night! So my brain isn’t getting the rest it needs. I think I’m going mad………………..or I will end up going mad, be put in a round cell and told to sit in the corner!!
I’m driving my partner nuts with worries everyday. My anxiety and fear are at an all time high. So now I’m trying my hardest to deal with it better by myself and take the pressure away from her (I’m sure there are carers out there there understand that part) as I sound like a broken record, and I don’t want make her snap.
She has enough on her plate at the moment with some sad new of a family member, a work colleague and an old school friend, so I’m trying to be stronger and supportive of her but I don’t think I’m doing very well.
When I’m in this place in my head/body I feel very isolated. I feel like I’m not worth being around as I’m just full of fears, worry and have nothing to positive to say, so I’m very quiet. I don’t feel like people want to be around me so I don’t make the effort to go out. Although my face is smiling inside I’m eating away at myself and crying. It’s so frustrating how mental health can trap you. How it can restrict you and limit you. Make you feel alone. Make you feel like you’re not worth anyone’s time. How although on the outside the shell in the same, on the inside it’s all trying to keep together with the help of glue, sellotape and stickyback plastic like a Blue Peter “here’s one I made earlier ” project.
I’m sure a lot of people out there can relate to what I have written. Especially people that have been through a traumatic experience. When your own mortality is highlighted (Not the best description but I can’t think how else to explain it)
Just remember this…………..YOU ARE NOT WEAK FOR SAYING THAT YOU ARE STRUGGLING AND NEED SUPPORT AND HELP.
We are all beautiful in our own special way! Imaging how boring life would be if we were all the same 😳
Have a beautiful day ❤️