I was very slack and didn’t do many diary entries in the first few months of coming out of hospital. It was a very hard time for me we were living in every parents front room and don’t get me wrong I am so grateful for what they have done for us but at the time it wasn’t our own home. But now we do have our own home and now we can build a new memories.
I had many arguments with Debbie as of what over why she decided to stay with me when she could have just left and had a normal life and that had to put up with doing so much for me. I don’t think either of us actually really believed at how hard it was going to be. It wasn’t just the fact I’ve had the Brain injury but also that I am having to learn to use my right hand side of my body again.
Debbie’s dad David has been amazing he’s been my personal taxi service to my physio appointment my OT appointments and anywhere else that I needed to go in between. That’s really hard to deal with when you’re such an independent person but then you want to go anywhere or do anything you have to rely on someone.
I’ve had a few falls the first one was literally the next day after leaving hospital lost my balance and fell into washing pile. And Debbie’s parents having to help me up because I couldn’t do it by myself. Another one that is thanks to my adorable cute black-and-white furball Asbo the cat. I was sitting on the edge of the bed and he jumped up sat behind me and decided to throw up a hairball. My brain engaged the way it would’ve done in the past for me to get out the way so I didn’t get covered in cat sick so no sooner had I thought with myself to stand up and move I fell to the floor and quite spectacular fashion, smashed my head against the Chester draws and then sat on the floor crying uncontrollably. Debbie said it was really weird to watch she can get herself to me quick enough so she could do was watch and said it was horrible.
But I think the biggest thing in all of this is my mood swings. I’m having to learn my brain and how to react to things all over again. It’s like being a toddler and learning how to react in different situations. Sometimes something is hilarious and I will laugh so much that I have tears but then other times I will cry doesn’t necessarily have to be a reason behind it I will just cry. The biggest one, the worst one is anger. As you grow up when things start to annoy you or someone pisses you off you learn how to control that in a manner that’s not offensive. At this moment in time I don’t get those little warning signs. It’s a case of I can be absolutely fine one minute and then something completely trivial Will just get cold in my head and that’s it I’m super angry. Remind Debbie deserves a medal because nine times out of 10 she is the one in the firing line. And that is not fair so my OT has referred me back to the psychologist to that we can get this sorted and I can learn how to control it all again.
I now belong to a group called headway and these people are amazing. I am part of a group called habit and we meet every fortnight and it’s really nice to be around people that are going through similar to you I know what you’re going through and you don’t feel so isolated. Headway is an amazing organisation and I look forward to being able to pay the favour when I am better.
Part of the reason for me writing this blog was so that I remembered to write down how my day goes because at some point I’m going to be looking back all this and seeing all the minor and major achievements I have had. All the little dramas but I will and I am sure there will be plenty of them. And also so I can show people that there is no such word as can’t. If you got the drive and determination you can do anything.
So today I draw a line under 2015 and I look forward to success strength and fun in 2016.
Happy New Year to you all 😜